Absolution
by Hibernian Princess
Summary: King Caspian is welcomed into his new position with open arms.  However, there is one noblewoman who would rather not be anywhere near the new king.  CaspianxOC, movieverse-y, T for some questionable content.
1. Prologue  The Return of the King

**A/N: Allrighty, I've been deathly afraid of posting this particular fanfiction, mainly out of fear of how people will react to me messing with Caspian's love life. Hopefully I'll at least do it admirably. Anyways, anything you recognize isn't mine; Caspian, Narnia, and all the truly amazing things belong to C.S. Lewis/Disney/Walden Media. Shira, this scenario, and the other characters that show up that you don't recognize are mine. Yes, I know the prologue's short, but...the rest is much longer. Enjoy and let me know what you think!**

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After several months of absence, Prince Caspian had returned—though he would now be a king. Caspian, with the assistance of the creatures of Old Narnia, the kings and queens of yore, and Aslan, had thrown down Miraz, his evil uncle in battle. Narnia was going to be a very different place under the rule of the new king. But Shira did not fear the changes that were to come; she and her family had long supported Old Narnia. In fact, their love for the past had almost cost Shira's family members their lives. All that would no longer trouble them, since King Caspian's values deviated strongly from those of his uncle.

_And I will never be able to appreciate what a wonderful man King Caspian is…because of what Miraz wanted me to do_, Shira realized sadly. She wanted to be able to look the new king in the eye as a normal person could, but every time someone mentioned Caspian's name, she felt her breath quicken and her hands shake. The damage could not be undone; Shira would simply have to live her life in avoidance of His Majesty.

_It should be easier since we no longer reside in the castle_, she realized. Her father, a famed battle strategist and advisor to King Caspian IX and Miraz, had been accused of treason and thrown out of the castle. Sir Malenam—Shira's father—had never done anything against Miraz, though he passionately disliked the man. The whole thing had been a ruse that had very little to do with Malenam's political views.

Shira pushed all of those unpleasant thoughts from her mind. It did not look as if King Caspian would be fighting many more battles, so it was unlikely that she would be seeing very much of him.

"Shira! I have just received a summons from King Caspian himself! He knows of my battle strategies and _also_ knows that I did not fight against him. The young man has been gracious enough to allow us to return to the castle!" Shira's father called to her as he rushed to her side to embrace her.

So much for avoiding the king. When her family had first left the castle to move into the crumbling cottage that they now inhabited, she had hated everything about it, especially the lack of personal space and having to do much of the housework. After a while, she had adjusted to the simplicity of life in a cottage, though it was a struggle at times for her parents to keep everyone fed. She would not miss doing chores on an empty stomach, but Shira did not want to return to the constraints of a castle—especially one ruled by the new king. "That is wonderful, Father! I cannot think of anything better for us!" she replied as genuinely as she could manage at the moment, as it is rather difficult to feign excitement when one is facing what one dreads most.

As he embraced his daughter, Malenam suspected nothing. He assumed that Shira was just as excited to be returning to her lifelong home as he was. He hadn't the faintest idea of what plagued his daughter.


	2. Rediscovered

**A/N: All my updates won't be that fast; I just had the first two chapters and the prologue already written before I published this. And I'll be gone for a long period of time starting tomorrow, so this might be the last update you get for a while. It's considerably longer than the prologue, so relish the length and let me know what you think! Again, the characters that you don't recognize are mine (same with this situation); everything else belongs to C.S. Lewis/Disney/Walden Media.**

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Caspian strode through the corridors of the castle easily; he had inhabited them for his entire life, with the exception of the past few months. No matter, Sir Malenam would be arriving at any moment. Caspian remembered the famed battle strategist from his youth. The man had never seemed to like Caspian's uncle very much. No wonder Miraz had removed him; such a powerful position in the hands of a man that was not on his side could have easily been the end of Miraz's reign.

_Hopefully there will not be a need for battle strategies anytime soon_, Caspian thought as he continued to walk through the halls.

A tall, muscular man who looked very much like the average Telmarine warrior approached the young king. "My liege, I am honored to serve your line once more," the man said as soon as Caspian was within earshot of him, dropping onto one knee.

"I still feel as if our positions should be reversed, Sir Malenam, as you surpass me in both years and battles. No matter, I am glad to have you back here, along with the rest of your family. If you are not too exhausted after your long journey, I would enjoy it if all of you would dine with me this evening so that I may welcome you back into the position you deserve," the young king suggested.

"Many thanks, Your Majesty. We would be honored to be in your presence this evening," Malenam replied, smiling.

"I look forward to it as well. Who will you be bringing?" the young king inquired.

"My wife, Galitra; my son, Pietro; and my two daughters, Annelise and Shira. Pietro will be thrilled; he is only seven and is fascinated by what you have done," Malenam said, his eyes alight with joy.

Caspian laughed. "I hope he is not disappointed," he remarked.

"I doubt he could be," Malenam said. "Thank you for your time, Your Majesty," he added, bowing and leaving to tell his family the news.

* * *

"Galitra, the king has invited all of us to dine with him this evening!" Malenam told his wife the moment he entered their quarters.

"My dear, that is the best news I have heard since you told me that we were invited back into the palace!" she exclaimed, embracing Malenam.

"King Caspian himself approached me and personally invited me," Malenam added, waiting to see Galitra's reaction.

"He is humble—an admirable quality in a king. Narnia has longed for a ruler as adept as Caspian for years," she stated, a faraway look appearing in her eyes.

Malenam gently kissed his wife's forehead. He knew that Galitra had dreamt of the day when she would be able to live in peace, not fearing attack or some other calamity from Telmarine soldiers who had learned of her Narnian blood. Being thrown out of the castle by Miraz had badly shaken Galitra—she feared that her family would be put to death because of her blood and what she had taught them of the Old Ways. Fortunately, Aslan had been watching over them and the family had survived, though impoverished, in the time between their banishment and Caspian's coronation.

"I should tell the children now. Annelise and Shira will want plenty of time to ready themselves for this evening," Malenam thought aloud, grinning at the mental image of his daughters fussing over their gowns and hair.

"Go," Galitra told him softly, smiling.

Giving his wife a brief peck on the lips, Malenam went to tell his children about their dinner. He took a few steps out the door and almost ran into Pietro, who had been sitting outside the door, listening to his parents' conversation. "Pietro, remind me what I've told you about eavesdropping," Malenam commanded, giving his son a rather stern look.

"You say it's wrong…but Father, we're going to meet King Caspian!" Pietro exclaimed, his eyes alight with childish awe.

Malenam did his best to bite back a smile. "We most certainly are, Pietro, but that does not give you the right to listen to other people's conversations without permission. You are to sit in your chamber for half of an hour and think about eavesdropping and why it is wrong," he told his son firmly.

"Yes, Father," Pietro replied rather glumly.

As soon as his son had trudged away, Malenam's daughters floated around the corner, obviously deeply engaged in conversation. "Girls, I have something wonderful to tell you," Malenam addressed his daughters.

They both stopped, looking expectantly at their father. "King Caspian has invited the family to dine with him!" he exclaimed.

Annelise and Shira shared a look that Malenam could only interpret as extreme shock. "Tonight?" Annelise wondered, her tone relatively nonchalant.

"Yes, which is why I am telling you now. No doubt you shall spend quite some time preparing yourselves," he stated, grinning. "Be sure you are ready in time!" he reminded his daughters as he walked away.

Once her father was well out of earshot, Shira's breath began to come in quick, shallow gasps. "Breathe deeply, Shira. Think of nature…the beauty of Aslan's creation surrounding you, washing over you…just relax," Annelise said soothingly to her younger sister.

"Anne, I don't know if I will be able to do this. I expected to have some more time to adjust to living so much closer to the king," Shira gasped, her breathing becoming more regular.

"If there is anything I can do to help you, I will do it. You could have feigned an illness and stayed behind if we were given more time, but to do so on such short notice would be obvious," Annelise told Shira, embracing her briefly.

"Thank you, Anne, that is an excellent idea that I will save for some other time. At the moment, I need to get out of here for a while," Shira explained, walking quickly towards the door.

* * *

"Shira, you are without a doubt the most _fortunate_ maiden in all of Narnia!" Shira's friend Callina exclaimed. "The king has personally restored your father's prestigious position and is now spending time with your entire family!"

Shira simply sighed, hoping that it did not sound as heavy as it felt. "I don't suppose you are so thrilled by my father's return to society as by the fact that I will be spending time near His Majesty…whom you never stop talking about," she said, a sly smile creeping across her face.

"That _might_ have the tiniest bit to do with it," Callina muttered, blushing.

"Of course. Then I suppose I'll have to pay attention to everything so that you know what King Caspian wore, how he spoke, how he ate, where his eyes were at every—"

_No. Not now, any time but now! _Shira thought as she glimpsed who was rounding a nearby corner.

It took Callina only a second to understand why her friend was speechless. "Stop shaking, Shira!" she whispered fervently, giving Shira a rather hard jab in the ribs.

As their king approached, Callina and Shira both dropped into deep curtsies. Caspian stopped when he reached the young women, gesturing that they should arise. "May I have the pleasure of knowing your names?" he asked them.

"I am Callina, daughter of Lord Zydrex, Your Majesty," Callina said, her voice clear and sweet.

"And I am Shira, daughter of Sir Malenam," Shira muttered, looking past Caspian, trying desperately to keep her breathing even.

Caspian smiled at her. "Ah, I am acquainted with your father, Lady Shira. I look forward to seeing you later this evening," he remarked politely, inclining his head.

As he walked away, Shira began to slowly relax, hoping that her friend hadn't noticed any changes in her behavior. "He _looks forward_ to it!" Callina gushed once the king was out of earshot.

"Yes, Callina, I heard," Shira responded, giving her friend the most convincing smile she could offer at the moment. "If His Majesty is so excited to dine with my family, I should not disappoint him. I should go and ready myself," she added.

"_Promise_ me that you will tell me about it in the fullest detail!" Callina begged.

Shira smiled genuinely at her friend's eagerness. "Of course, Callina. I promise," she said over her shoulder.

Tonight would require a large amount of mental preparation.

* * *

"Caspian. _King _Caspian. His Majesty King Caspian. Caspian, my lord," Shira said to her mirror. Her reaction to his name was much less obvious than it had been an hour ago—her eyes only widened slightly, which could easily be mistaken for awe.

"Oooh, Shira's in _looooove_!" cried her younger brother, Pietro, poking his head into his elder sister's chambers.

"Hush, Pietro. I admire and respect King Caspian and am overjoyed about what he has done for Narnia, but I do not love him in a romantic sense," she said rather firmly, though a smile was slowly turning up her lips.

"_What_?" Pietro asked, obviously confused by Shira's elevated vocabulary.

"She means that she doesn't love King Caspian…_yet_. But it is only a matter of time before Shira and Caspian are kissing," Annelise remarked, stepping into Shira's chambers.

"Yuck! _Why_ would you _do_ that?" Pietro wondered, disgusted.

Annelise and Shira looked at one another, grinning. "Tis what men and women do when they are in love," Annelise explained.

Gagging theatrically, Pietro fled Shira's doorway, causing his sisters to collapse in fits of laughter. Once they were both relatively calm, Annelise wondered, "Shira…would you truly consider courting His Majesty?"

Weakly, Shira shook her head. Annelise knew why Caspian's name plagued her sister so much; she had listened to Shira talk in her sleep for a few months before asking for the whole story. "I have only just adjusted to hearing his name. No matter how hard I try, I will be incapable of forgetting what happened," Shira said, sighing.

Annelise shook her head sadly. She remembered how Shira had swooned over Prince Caspian when she was young, as many other girls had. The infatuation's abrupt cessation had perplexed Annelise for a few weeks before she heard Shira muttering in her sleep. After that, the truth had eventually slipped out of Shira's lips.

"Very well. We both know that I cannot change how you feel about this," Annelise told her sister before leaving the room.

Shira was rather relieved to be alone once more; she felt the need to do a bit more preparation for the evening.

"Caspian, my liege."

* * *

Shira's family was seated around King Caspian's table, waiting for His Majesty to be announced. Saying the king's name a few more times and talking with Annelise had kept Shira relatively calm thus far, but she knew that seeing Caspian would make her stomach churn.

"Presenting His Majesty Caspian the Tenth, King of Narnia, Lord of Cair Paravel, and Emperor of the Lone Islands."

Everyone seated at the table immediately arose. "Anne," Shira gasped through her teeth, clutching her sister's wrist.

"You do not have to look, Shira," Annelise whispered.

Shira stared straight ahead at a stone in the wall, breathing in and out deeply. She curtsied and sat down at the same time as her sister, not daring to look away from the stone she was staring at.

"Thank you for joining me this evening, Sir Malenam," Caspian said to Malenam.

"I am honored to be here, my liege," Malenam replied. "As is my family. This is my wife…"

_No_, Shira thought, tuning out her father momentarily. _I cannot look him in the eye._ She sat in fear, awaiting her name.

"…and these are my daughters, Annelise and Shira," her father told Caspian.

Fighting the fear that had governed her life for many months, Shira drew her eyes away from the wall and looked at Caspian. His eyes were deep and friendly, a slight smile turning up the corners of his lips. Shira respectfully inclined her head before turning away from the king cautiously, making sure that she did not move too quickly. Tears began to fill the corners of her eyes.

"Shira, are you all right?" Annelise muttered, touching her sister's hand tenderly.

She nodded, knowing that speaking would unleash an unseemly torrent of tears. _Aslan, I cannot do this. Tis impossible for me to sit here in the presence of the man whose life I could have destroyed and act as any other young woman would in my place!_

_**Courage, dear one. With Me, you are strong and capable**_**.**

"No," she whispered.

Annelise looked over at her sister curiously. "If you can, just try. It will all get easier after this," she murmured.

"I will," Shira replied.

Annelise gently elbowed her sister. Shira looked over at Pietro, who was staring at Caspian in awe. "Pietro, is there something you would like to say?" Annelise asked, shifting her eyes towards Caspian slightly.

Everyone looked in Pietro's direction rather expectantly. "King Caspian, what was fighting like? What are the dwarves like? What are the Talking Beasts like? Were the Kings and Queens from the high past _old_? How big was Aslan? Tell me _everything_," the young boy said, his blue eyes exploding with light.

Shira had to bite back a giggle. Pietro was going to make this evening much more bearable. "Thank Aslan for younger brothers," she whispered.

The entire room listened as Caspian told Pietro of his time in the woods with the Talking Beasts of Narnia, meeting the kings and queens of yore, and fighting for rule of Narnia. Even Shira was swept up in the king's descriptions everything he had witnessed, though she did not dare look in his direction. "Was that what you were hoping for, Pietro?" Shira asked her brother, smiling.

"Even better!" he cried.

"Excellent. Now _you_ will be able to tell _me_ stories before you go to bed," Shira pointed out.

"But you're so good at it, Shira!" Pietro protested. "I could never be _that_ good."

"You only say that because you've never tried. Once you learn a story that you love, you will be able to tell it over and over," she counseled her brother.

"You must love many stories," her younger brother remarked.

Shira laughed lightly. "I do," she declared, carefully shifting her eyes away from Pietro in order to glimpse Caspian out of the corner of her eye. _Oh Aslan, he is watching me!_ she realized, a shock of horror running down her spine.

"Which of the Old Tales is your favorite, Lady Shira?" Caspian asked her.

Shira felt her heart stop at the sound of his voice. She had been able to forget the past when talking to Pietro, but it was looking her directly in the eye now. "I have always loved reading about how the High King Peter and his siblings came out of another world and brought Narnia out of its long winter, though its position may have been challenged by your story, Your Majesty," Shira said, amazed at her ability to speak in a normal voice to the king.

"Ask him," Annelise hissed, kicking Shira's ankle.

"And which of the Old Tales do you find the most enthralling, Your Majesty?" Shira wondered, her voice a bit too high. Soon enough, this was going to be too much for her to bear.

"I was never able to choose one. They have all played important roles in my life," he answered.

To Shira's sheer relief, the first course was brought out. _Thank you, Aslan_, she silently prayed.

"Sir Malenam, I have heard many great things about your skills with battle strategy. Your ingenuity has always kept this castle safe, especially…"

Shira had no interest in a conversation between her father and the king about Malenam's strategies. Besides, she did not want to know what listening to the king's voice for much longer would do to her.

"Well done, Shira. You managed to speak to the king without making a complete fool of yourself," Annelise congratulated her.

"Thank you. I do not believe I could have done it without your assistance," Shira responded, a smile touching her mouth.

"You've done so well that I think the king may be developing _feelings_ for you," Annelise muttered, her eyes filled with mischief.

Shira's eyes widened to twice their size. "Annelise, please do not even joke about that," she hissed.

"Shira, I would never do that to you. I know how hard it is for you to even be around him, but I do think that he feels _something_," Annelise stated firmly.

"If he does, I hope it goes away for his sake. You know why it can never happen," Shira said a bit too fervently.

"You have to let this go, Shira, not just because of His Majesty, but because it's hurting you to clutch so tightly to something horrible that you _never did_," Annelise informed her sister passionately.

"If I am meant to leave it in the past, I will," Shira said with an air of finality.

Annelise shook her head. "I cannot say anything more about that, but I will always be here for you," she promised, her voice rather heavy with exasperation.

"Thank you, Anne. I will need you tonight if the king decides that he wants to speak with me again," Shira whispered.

Fortunately for Shira, Malenam and Caspian remained engaged in conversation about battles and protection of the castle for a large part of the meal. Shira began to relax slightly as she ate and talked with her sister. Perhaps the king would forget about her altogether. _After all, tis not as if I am drastically different from the rest of the ladies of Narnia_, she realized. Of _course_ Caspian would not show any interest in her.

"How do you like being back in the castle, dear?" her mother asked.

Shira paused for a moment to think before answering, "I never thought that I'd miss anything about the cottage, but I loved how it looked as if it had survived from another time. It was a stimulant for my imagination; everything I did there seemed slightly surreal. I will _not_ miss doing the dishes and sweeping the floor six times a day."

Galitra laughed. "I do not believe that I'll miss any of that either," she added.

"Well, neither one of you had to wash Pietro's filthy, mud-encrusted clothing," Annelise pointed out, her mouth turned down into a very convincing pout.

"And _none_ of you had to chop wood!" Pietro complained.

"Think of it like this: if you chop firewood, you will get strong and become an admirable knight of Narnia, fighting many battles that everyone will want to know about for years to come. However, if you decided that you would like to wash dishes and allow me to take over the wood, I would become strong and be the subject of tales and you would have wrinkled fingers," Shira explained to her brother.

"I suppose it wasn't _completely_ horrid," he agreed reluctantly.

"See? Now you know that what you did had some purpose, other than keeping the rest of us warm," Shira stated.

"Devote your life to something, Pietro, and you will make it a part of everything that you do," Malenam interjected.

"How can being a hero be a part of my lessons?" he wondered mischievously.

His family shared a secret smile. "We cannot tell you _everything_ or you would learn nothing on your own," Annelise pointed out. "Oftentimes, doing something yourself is what makes it stay in your brain."

While she said this, she shot a quick but pointed glance in Shira's direction, who bit back a less-than-friendly response out of respect for her sister.

"Is that how you have memorized the tales of Old Narnia, Lady Shira?" Caspian asked her.

Shira felt her heartbeat speeding up drastically. If only he'd given some warning!

Annelise gently prodded Shira, then touched her arm. "It is, Your Majesty," she responded before glancing to her sister for suggestions.

_Speak more slowly_, Annelise mouthed.

"And how many years did it take you to retain so much knowledge?" the king wondered.

"She's _never_ used a book, and she's told me stories every night since I was born!" Pietro exclaimed.

"If you were a few years older, you'd remember Shira trying to memorize the stories. She would walk around the house telling herself the tales repeatedly. She refused to leave one alone until she had every detail perfectly memorized. By the time you were born, she was still doing it and would sit by your cradle practicing for hours. All in all, it must've taken her…only a year, I suppose, though it felt like _much_ longer," Annelise informed him.

"That is quite impressive, Lady Shira," Caspian remarked.

"Thank you, my liege, but it does not feel like much of a feat," Shira said _sotto voce_.

"Memorizing the history of Narnia in a year? It seems like an accomplishment worthy of praise," Caspian objected.

If Shira's stomach hadn't been doing acrobatics, she would have smiled. "Thank you," she murmured.

"I would like to hear you tell them sometime. Not tonight, though—there is not enough time for that," Caspian said.

_Thank Aslan_, Shira thought, letting out a deep breath.

"Sir Malenam, may I show Lady Shira the castle? Things have changed since you left and I would enjoy making your daughter feel at home once more," the king requested.

"Of course, Your Majesty, as long as Shira has no objections," Malenam answered.

Refusal would be a direct insult to the king. However, agreeing to walk with Caspian _alone_ would put Shira through a breed of emotional turmoil that she had hoped never to experience.

Shira shot a frightened look at Annelise. Her sister mouthed one word to her:

_Yes_.

"Twould be an honor, Your Majesty," Shira replied weakly.

"I'm sorry, Shira. Just…think of the cottage," Annelise whispered to her sister as Shira arose slowly, shaking with fear.

"Thank you, Anne," Shira whispered before walking to Caspian's side.

This was officially the most horrid evening of her life.

* * *

Caspian gently reached for Shira's arm, praying that she would not resist him. In a surprisingly casual manner, she folded her hands in front of her stomach. He glanced at her, but she said nothing. "Have you found that much is different now that your family has returned to the castle?" he wondered, his tone friendly.

Shira visibly stiffened. Her steps slowed slightly before she replied, "I feel much safer now, knowing that my family and I do not have to hide our beliefs. And…a much better king."

"Thank you, Lady Shira," he murmured. She had been so much more relaxed in the dining room—was their solitude making her nervous?

Caspian had never imagined that he would make anyone nervous, though he'd pondered the other odd reactions that people might have to his kingship. He had hoped to learn more about Shira, but if she was unable to relax when she was alone with him, their relationship would never move beyond a casual friendship—which, from the nature of his conversations with Shira at dinner, was not exactly what Caspian was seeking with her.

"Are you well, Lady Shira?" he wondered, shooting a concerned look in her direction.

"Yes, my king, I am well," she responded rather breathlessly. "Just rather tired."

"Perhaps I should take you back to your family. You seem rather exhausted," he stated after a slight pause.

"Thank you, my liege," Shira sighed.

Caspian glanced in her direction again. Her posture was stiff and fear thrived in her eyes. _Worse than I thought_, Caspian realized grimly.

They were at the doors of the dining room once more. "Thank you for coming with me, Lady Shira. I hope that when you are more rested, you will tell me the tales that Pietro seems to love so much," he said, tenderly touching her shoulder.

He could feel her muscles tense beneath his hand. "Perhaps," she answered, her tone chilly.

"Goodnight, Lady Shira," he nearly whispered, reaching for her hand.

She pulled away deliberately. "Goodnight, Your Majesty," she said too loudly, tripping over her words as she hurried away from him.

Even a lady overcome by the worst of nerves would not have brushed Caspian aside so nonchalantly. Perhaps there was some logical explanation for Lady Shira's odd behavior. She could have decided that she had no romantic interest in Caspian, but it did not seem in her nature to act rudely to someone whom she did not fancy.

"Women are the greatest mystery of all," the young king muttered to himself.


	3. Sogni

**A/N: This chapter is really short and is (sadly) the last update for a while. I'm going to be gone for the next two weeks and I don't think I'll have much access to the Internet or even my laptop. I'll be sure to bring my notebook and pen, though. :D Moving on, this chapter should explain the T rating and make the whole story fall togeter. The title is in Italian; I'll let you know what it means when the fic is over. Just a random note: if you have any suggestions for this story (nothing too huge; maybe just a scene or something since I know exactly where I'm going with this) or anything else you want me to write, message/email me and I'll take your suggestion into consideration! As always, none of the true essence of Chronicles of Narnia belongs to me; it's the property of C.S. Lewis/Disney/Walden Media. Revel in this chapter! :)**

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_Rays of sunlight streamed through the stone windows of the castle. Shira leisurely strolled through the maze of corridors that led to the gardens, where she intended to spend the hours leading up to sunset. It would give her a chance to pretend that Narnia was not crumbling, that some of the stories her parents had told her had once been true—and might come to be in the future._

_ "A lovely evening for a stroll, is it not, Lady Shira?"_

_ Shira swirled around to see King Miraz and immediately dropped into her deepest curtsy. "Indeed, Your Majesty," she replied, her voice higher than normal._

_ "Stand. There is something that I must speak with you about," Miraz commanded._

_ Immediately, Shira stood, but kept her head lowered, more out of fear than respect. "Of what do you wish to speak, my liege?" she asked humbly._

_ "You and your family show such respect to me, Lady Shira, though I was never meant to be your king," he pointed out, taking a step closer to Shira._

_ "Your Majesty, you are our king until Prince Caspian is of age to assume the throne," Shira stated, keeping her tone neutral. She had learned from her father to always choose her words carefully when speaking with someone whose rank was higher than her own._

_ "Indeed I am, but one day, when Caspian is old enough to take the throne, I will be regarded as an old man whose heirs are no longer of use to Narnia," Miraz continued, beginning to walk in slow circles around Shira._

_ "Forgive my ignorance, Your Majesty, but I do not understand why you would speak of these things with the daughter of a battle strategist," she murmured, knowing that she was not going to enjoy the rest of this conversation._

_ "You underestimate yourself, Lady Shira. You are more than just the daughter of a strategist. You are a _woman_…and quite a beauty, if I may say so," Miraz told her, picking up a lock of her hair and running his fingers down it._

_ Shira's breath came more quickly. "I _implore_ you, my liege, do not—"_

_ Miraz laughed. "My dear, I do not want you for myself. I believe that you are destined for something much more…_integral_. Which brings us to the reason for this conversation. I want you to seduce Caspian—but do so slowly and cautiously, so it seems as if you are pursuing courtship. Once he has made his feelings for you known, show him the depths of your love in the most physical way. The next morning, you must go to your father and tell him that the prince has shamelessly stolen your virtue. Do not worry about evidence—I shall take care of that triviality. Once it is discovered that Caspian has done the same thing to many other young women of the court, he will be put to death," he said, smiling darkly._

_ "Prince Caspian is a pure, honest, and fine young man. I refuse to do what you ask of me out of love for Narnia and respect for the prince—as well as self-respect," Shira whispered passionately, wary of anyone who might hear her conversation._

_ Miraz stopped circling Shira for a moment to look deeply into her eyes. "I thought as much," he spat. "If that is what you wish, very well…but I know the history of your family. Your mother is no true Telmarine—in fact, I don't believe that she is even entirely _human_."_

_ Shira gasped. Her mother's side of the family was one of the fortunate Old Narnian lines that had survived the Telmarine Age through a clever combination of sheer fortune and intermarriage with the Telmarines. Figuring out that Lady Galitra was part Narnian was not difficult; her skin was fairer than that of the Telmarines. However, the minute drop of naiad blood that her mother possessed was a closely guarded family secret. "How—_why_ are you doing this to my family?" Shira gasped, using every ounce of will she possessed to hold back her tears._

_ "I know that your father eagerly awaits the day my nephew will take the throne. Malenam is no friend of mine and I will feel no remorse if you choose to let him and the rest of your family suffer the fate I have warned you of," Miraz declared._

_ "My answer is the same as it was before. I could not live with myself after knowing that I had done something so wrong," she muttered, looking away._

_ "Wrong? And who tells you that this is wrong?" Miraz nearly shouted._

_ "I know it in my heart," Shira whispered, trembling._

_ Miraz roughly grabbed the neckline of Shira's dress and pulled her so close that there were only centimeters separating their faces. "Speak truly, Shira, or there will be more blood on your hands," he commanded._

_ "The teachings of the Great Lion," Shira squeaked._

_ "Just as I imagined. Your _mother_ has corrupted you and your family with lies about talking beasts and a lion! Tis about time I take care of you all."_

_ Miraz released Shira sharply, throwing her against the wall. She fell to the floor in a very undignified heap. "If you decide that you wish to save your family, I will give you until dawn tomorrow," Miraz reminded her before striding away, leaving Shira curled into a ball, her face tear-stained._

_

* * *

_

Shira awoke from the vivid nightmare, shaking like a scared rabbit. The dream had been troubling her for a while now, but it had never been _this _vivid. It would not bother her so much if it was something that her imagination had created, but it was her mind reminding her of the worst thing that she had ever experienced. It shouldn't be called a nightmare, for those things were unrealistic and faded when one woke. This horror was a memory that refused to leave Shira alone.

"Miraz is dead. Caspian is…" Shira began aloud, trying to comfort herself, but saying Caspian's name merely made things worse. He had been very patient with her throughout the evening, but that had only made things more difficult. If only he would have stopped trying to coax conversation out of her…!

But was she supposed to expect anything but the utmost compassion from a king who was so loved by the people of Narnia? _Oh Aslan, why is he so kind to me? If His Majesty knew what I was asked to do, his repulsion towards me would almost equal my fear of him._

_**He only does what is right, dear one.**_

Shira groaned, burying her face in her pillow. She felt trapped and wanted nothing more than to shatter the walls of her prison, but there was no way for that to happen. True, Shira had never done what Miraz had asked, but one horrible thought had plagued her since that afternoon that had begun with such innocence.

For a moment, she'd actually considered Miraz's proposition in order to save her family's honor. She could still hear the dark voice taunting her. **It's not as if he shall live to tell the tale. Miraz will take care of him and eventually, everyone will forget that you were even involved.**

"No," Shira whispered, mentally kicking the evil echo of the past. "You are through with me. I shan't let you ruin anything else," she added in a slur as her eyes fell shut.

* * *

_Shira was shaking. She was afraid of what she had just done and, more importantly, of what she was about to do. After slipping into her house at an unseemly hour of the morning, Shira hadn't been able to sleep at all. She knew that she could not turn back now._

_ "Father?" she asked, waiting for him to look up from his work._

_ Sir Malenam's head immediately shot up when he heard his daughter's tone of voice. "What is it, Shira?" he wondered._

_ "Last night…something horrible happened. When I was with Caspian, he…he—"_

_ "What did he do, Shira?" Malenam inquired, his tone serious._

_ Tears of shame waited in the corners of Shira's eyes. "He t-took my virtue," she whimpered, beginning to cry._

_ Just saying such a lie made her sick. _She_ was the one who had shamelessly seduced the prince of Narnia, yet he was probably feeling just as horrible as Shira was at the moment. _How could I have agreed to this? _she wondered. _Caspian is an honorable man.

_ Malenam arose, his face flushed with anger. "That…that…blasted conniving prince! King Miraz will know about this!" he shouted, storming out of the room._

_ "He already does," Shira murmured brokenly once her father was gone._

_ Why hadn't she taken the harder path and refused Miraz? It would have saved Caspian, Narnia, and…herself. For the past several weeks, she had possessed what many young Telmarine women would kill for—a romance with Prince Caspian. It had truly been wonderful at the beginning, while things were still innocent, but Miraz had constantly reminded her of her motive. She was doing this to make Caspian fall in lust, not love._

_ Lust. The word was enough to twist Shira's stomach into a series of intricate knots. She felt her breathing become shallow. The room began to look fuzzy and unstable. Shira sunk to the floor and drew her knees up to her chest. "Aslan…forgive me," she pleaded as the walls of her father's study wavered before fading into darkness._

_

* * *

_

Shira sat straight up in her bed, her eyes enormous with fright. "Leave me alone!" she moaned.

She had briefly wondered how it would have felt to follow Miraz more than once; however, this was the first time that her brain had taunted her with the emotional pain and shame that would have come with making the wrong decision.

_But I did nothing wrong. I am innocent. _

**Yes, but it entered your thoughts.**

_Reason enough to be ashamed, I suppose,_ she realized, feeling sick. _Not as bad as listening to Miraz, but…_

She did not want to think about it anymore. Curling back up on her side, Shira closed her eyes and prayed fervently for a dreamless sleep.

* * *

**A/N (again): Okay, so the title is pronounced like SOH-nyee and is Italian for "dreams." Just a warning: I'm kinda obsessed with languages, so I might title a chapter in some other language, but I'll always offer an explanation.**


	4. False and Frozen

**A/N: Another short-ish chapter. Gah, it's been sooo long since I last posted(and I apologize for that), but I swear I will finish this one! I ended up writing this in pieces (cuz I got inspired in pieces—sometimes that's just how it happens), so the next chapter is already partially written, but there are missing chunks in the middle and at the end. Hopefully I'll be a little better about updating this now that I'm getting pro at managing my time (as well as the whole no-sleep thing). Thank you everyone for your reviews, but I STILL keep hearing a nasty little voice in my head as I'm writing this that's basically a culmination of all of the criticism I've gotten over the years, so I am afraid to post this. You know how I feel about criticism—there's nothing wrong with it as long as it's justified and polite. Anyhow, enjoy this chapter! Annd…the characters, settings, and all that jazz are not mine; they belong to C.S. Lewis/Disney/20****th**** Century Fox/Walden Media**

**

* * *

**

_Shira_.

The name had been a nuisance to Caspian ever since he had finished showing her the castle. He had pondered possible causes of her behavior, but his thoughts were becoming completely illogical. Being alone with him must have bothered her for some reason—nothing else made sense at all.

He needed to see her again, even if it was only to figure out how she felt about him. No one else had ever consumed his thoughts for so long. _Perhaps it was only nerves that ailed her. If I spend a bit more time with her, she will relax_, Caspian thought, though he knew that he was lying to himself. Shira did not fancy him in the slightest.

Boldly, the king knocked on the door to Sir Malenam's study. "Come in," the strategist's voice called.

Caspian entered and asked, with no ado, "Sir Malenam, may I speak with Lady Shira?"

Malenam immediately looked up from what he was doing and eyed Caspian for a long time. "You are a noble man, King Caspian, who has made several much-needed changes in Narnia. There is no reason why I should not trust you with my daughter. You have my permission to speak with her during the appropriate times, as long as she agrees to see you," Malenam told him.

"Thank you, my lord," Caspian said, inclining his head slightly before leaving.

Caspian knew what it meant for Malenam to trust him with his daughter. However, he felt as if Malenam's trust would be the least of his worries. Her face flashed in his mind—cheeks pale, eyes wide with fear. She was either terrified of him or ill, he decided as he entered the family's living quarters.

"King Caspian! What brings you here?" inquired a feminine voice.

The kings spun around, looking for Shira, but was rather disappointed to see that her older sister was the one who had addressed him. "Lady Annelise, is your sister occupied?" he wondered.

"I am afraid that she is not feeling well, my lord. She has been abed since last night, but I believe that it is just a brief illness," Annelise explained.

"Thank you, Lady Annelise. Please tell your sister that I hope she recovers rapidly," Caspian replied, turning around to leave.

"Wait!" Annelise exclaimed. "Please, my liege," she added as an afterthought, blushing at how she had informally addressed the king. "Do not give up on my sister until she explicitly states that she has no interest in you. Shira is…held back by something," she elucidated.

"By what?" Caspian inquired.

"It is not my story to tell, my lord," Annelise clarified.

"I understand. Thank you again, Lady Annelise," Caspian said as he left the chambers.

Annelise watched the king leave, her heart full of sorrow. He would complement Shira so nicely…once she let go of the past. _Aslan, help my sister. Lead her away from that encounter with Miraz and help her to find absolution with You_, Annelise prayed as she ascended the stairs to tell her sister of what had just happened.

Shira was curled up in her chambers on her favorite chair, a book in her hands. Annelise smiled at her younger sister. _Some things never change_, she thought.

"His Majesty was just here, Shira," Annelise said.

Immediately, Shira's head shot up from her book. "Did he believe you?" she wondered.

Annelise nodded. "I _did_ tell him not to give up on you anytime soon," she confessed.

Shira made a noise of distaste through her teeth. "Fortunately, I will not be able to forget what Miraz asked me in the near future," she retorted rather sourly.

"You are admitting that you have no desire for a romantic relationship with King Caspian?" Annelise remarked slyly.

"Ugh," Shira muttered. "It seems I have misspoken. I never said anything about a romantic relationship with His Majesty. Perhaps if my situation was different I would take interest in him," she added.

"I remember you fancied him for the longest time—and suddenly, it stopped," Annelise recalled.

"Anne, I do not exactly want to think about that. I am going to talk to Callina," Shira said, standing up and slipping out the door.

Annelise sighed heavily as Shira left. "By the Lion's Mane, why is she so _stubborn_?" Annelise lamented, dragging her fingers exasperatedly through her hair.

_**Some things she must learn on her own, dear one.**_

"I just wish she'd learn a bit _faster_," she muttered.

* * *

"Shira!" Callina's excited voice cried. "I heard that the king asked you to walk with him after dinner!"

"People are talking?" Shira wondered, lowering her voice as she dragged Callina towards a corner of the courtyard. "We barely spoke!"

Callina's eyes widened, presumably in shock. "Why, Shira? He is a very kind and handsome man," she pointed out.

"I was nervous and could not think of anything to say aside from, 'Your eyes are quite lovely, Your Majesty,'" Shira joked.

"You should have let him know!" Callina groaned playfully, laughing. "Men _love_ flattery."

"It did not seem appropriate at the time," Shira replied, internally squirming. Though she was making light of it now, King Caspian was the last person she wanted to speak of at the moment.

Callina bit her lip thoughtfully. "Perhaps…but if you would have thought of something else to say, you might have been able to slip it in—no, you are right. Twas best to keep silent," she pondered. "But if he offers you another chance, try to relax, Shira. He is a king, but he is also flesh and blood."

"I will try, Cal. It should be easier the second time, since I will be a bit more used to his presence," Shira remarked, knowing that being around Caspian would never be anything less than daunting.

"We will worry about that later, Shira. Now you must tell me _every detail_ of last night," Callina said, looking deeply into Shira's eyes.

The two young women burst into laughter. Once they had regained enough composure, Shira began to tell her tale.

Neither maiden saw the king walking through the corridor over them, nor did they notice how he paused for a moment and watched Shira talk happily and animatedly with Callina. When Shira glanced upwards during a lull in her story, there was no sign that King Caspian had stood above them, wondering why Shira was suddenly feeling better.

* * *

The drastic changes that King Caspian had made during his reign were slowly becoming commonplace. The Talking Beasts were making their way back into court life and Aslan's name was no longer forbidden. These changes had caught the attention of King Micah of Archenland, who had sent a messenger to Narnia in hopes that the two countries would form a new alliance.

When Shira learned of the messenger, she watched for him. She desperately wanted to hear tales of the lands beyond Narnia, true and imaginary—and a royal messenger should have plenty of things to tell. She was not the only one anticipating his arrival—the whole kingdom seemed to be waiting expectantly—and not only because of the unfamiliar face. This would be King Caspian's first interaction with a non-Narnian and his people were secretly awaiting this test of Caspian's aptitude.

The messenger arrived one sunny afternoon when most of the people who had been waiting for him had grown slack. However, Shira was eagerly awaiting the messenger when he walked through the castle gates. With no ado, she approached him. "Good afternoon, sir, and welcome to Narnia. My name is Lady Shira," she said, curtsying rather shallowly.

"I am Declan," he replied, rather shocked by how warmly he had been welcomed.

"Pleasure to meet you," she added, smiling. "I was wondering…when you are rested and have spoken with the king, would you tell me some histories and stories of your kingdom?"

Declan bit his lip and shifted his eyes to the side. "I am afraid that I will not have the impressive tales or even the skill for storytelling that most messengers probably possess, as I am not…a messenger by profession," he responded rather uncomfortably.

"What do you mean by that?" Shira inquired, her guard up.

Sensing her fear, Declan laughed lightly. "I truly _am_ here on King Micah's business, but I am…well…do not make it widely know, but I am heir apparent to the throne of Archenland," he confessed, lowering his voice and looking cautiously around the courtyards.

"Oh!" Shira exclaimed, abashed for thinking that Declan could have been an assassin. "Then welcome, Your Highness. As heir apparent, you must know _something_ of the legends and histories of Archenland."

"I do and I would be pleased to share them with you…after I have cleaned myself up and spoken with His Majesty. Come to think of it, I may not be able to tonight, unless you wish to listen to my snores. Would you mind waiting until tomorrow morning?" he asked.

"I _suppose_ I could wait until then," Shira groaned jokingly. "I hope that your conference with the king goes well—and that you rest peacefully afterwards."

"Thank you for your kindness, Lady Shira. I will see you here tomorrow," he stated before going off to make himself presentable for his audience with King Caspian.

In the true fashion of a good king, Caspian had been keeping a watchful eye turned towards the castle gates, awaiting the messenger. He had been told that the heir apparent was sent to his kingdom in the guise of an ordinary messenger. Caspian had watched Declan and Shira speak. Though he had only caught a few words of their brief conversation, he knew that Declan had told Shira who he was—and she had not shown the fear that was so clear in her eyes every time Caspian approached her.

_It must be something about me, then,_ he realized. The thought was not a pleasant one. _I have done nothing unkind to this woman, yet she runs._

_** Perhaps she does not run from you.**_

It took only moments for Caspian to come to what he believed was an accurate conclusion. _She bears some scar from a past love that is not healed,_ he concluded.

He was certain that this was the answer to the many questions that surrounded Lady Shira.

* * *

Declan's first day in Narnia had gone unnoticed by all but the most keen-eyed observers of the palace. Word of his arrival traveled rapidly and all of Narnia was soon in a frenzy over the Archenlander—and King Caspian's reaction to him. Only a few people had originally known that the king and the messenger had spoken, but the greater part of Narnia knew that the negotiations were going quite well.

Caspian's mind was occupied by things other than forging a treaty with the diplomat from Archenland, however. Every time he glimpsed Shira, she was smiling, laughing, or talking animatedly with someone. From those brief moments, nothing about her would have made him think that there was anything wrong. Of course, if Shira _did_ have some sort of predicament with Caspian, it would not show around other people. Secretly, the king of Narnia envied Declan, with whom Shira spoke so easily. He wanted to hear her speak freely and not feel as if she needed to hide something from him.

For the moment, though, Caspian decided to turn more of his mind towards the treaty with Archenland. As a king, his first duty was to his country. The rest of his life had to be put aside for a while, even if it was a challenge to do so.

He left his chambers and strode to the hall in which he and Declan would be speaking that day.

* * *

Declan hummed quietly to himself as he strolled through the Narnian corridors. Today was the first official day of his negotiations with King Caspian. The king was a very kind young man who was obviously passionate about his country and its people.

A young woman passed him. Her medium-brown hair swept around her shoulders in graceful lines. Declan glanced at her, making a point not to stare. "My mother sang me that song!" the lady remarked as she walked by him.

"Really? I thought that that lullaby left Narnia when the Telmarines arrived," Declan remarked.

"My mother has a bit of Old Narnian blood left in her. She used to sing my sister, my brother and I to sleep with it. Even if I wanted to, I could never forget the tune," she replied.

"Ah, I see. I am from Archenland and I know that that particular lullaby has existed for quite some time," he said.

"Oh, you must be the Archenlandian messenger that my sister spoke of! Her name is Shira and I believe she nearly ambushed you upon your arrival," the lady stated.

Declan smiled, replying, "Yes, Shira. She was very kind to me. If she did not tell you my name, it is Declan."

"Well, tis a pleasure to meet you, Declan. I am Annelise," she informed him.

"Likewise, my lady," he responded, gently taking her hand and kissing it. "I have business to discuss with your king at the moment, but…perhaps we could talk later?"

Annelise blushed, but murmured her agreement before allowing Declan to continue down the hall. He was rather charming, but she was not going to allow herself to be easily won by the charms of a foreign man.

Declan, on the other hand, was trying to turn his thoughts away from Annelise and towards his negotiations with King Caspian, which was proving to be rather difficult. By the time he had reached the negotiation hall, Declan had, for the most part, regained control over his thoughts. Caspian was sitting at the table, waiting for him. They shook hands before Declan took his seat beside Caspian.

"Ah…if you do not mind, Your Majesty, I have a question for you. One that does not directly involve a treaty between Narnia and Archenland," Declan revealed, shifting slightly in his chair.

"I am not opposed to that in any way, Declan, as I would like there to be friendship between our countries as well as their leaders," Caspian replied.

Declan paused for a moment before asking, "What do you know of Lady Annelise?"

A grin touched Caspian's face for a moment. "Her father is an excellent battle strategist who is faithful to Old Narnia. Her entire family harbors a love for this land and its history. Of Lady Annelise I know little, aside from the fact that she is kind and is very close to her younger sister, Lady Shira. And…Annelise is unattached, from what I know," he clarified.

Declan smiled. "Thank you, my lord. Now that I do not have to wonder, I am ready to continue," he stated.

"If you do not mind…we shall in a moment. I have a question for you—about Lady Shira. When she was speaking with you, did she seem at all…uncomfortable or sad?" Caspian inquired.

"Not a bit," Declan replied quickly. "She was very friendly and expressed her eagerness to hear my tales of Archenland."  
"Odd," Caspian murmured before continuing more audibly, "Every time I see her, it is as if she closes a part of herself off…like she is concealing something from me."

Declan frowned. "Well, I will inform you if I learn anything. As for now…we could easily pass the day away debating the mystery that is woman, but…there are other things that we must speak of," he declared.

"You are right," Caspian said.

Both men forced the questions in their mind down, remembering that to be a leader was to put others before oneself.


	5. Shattering

**A/N: Before I go into my usual spiel, I would like to thank everyone who has read/favorited/reviewed/subscribed to this story. I checked me email one day and had 12 new messages from —all notifications for **_**Absolution**_**. I'm still on Cloud Nine from that, so thank you. I can't adequately use words to express how much your appreciation for my writing means to me—and I'm a writer, so it's pretty profound. Again, my infinite thanks to you all. This chapter is for you. And…although it doesn't seem like it, I'm almost done with this thing (I've been writing in pieces, so I have almost all of the next chapter and a good chunk of the one after that finished already), which is crazy, since I've had the idea for over a year and a half. So—here is your next chapter; please enjoy it as much as you did the last one. And…Merry Christmas! 3 **

**As you probably already know, the characters/settings/events/other stuff that you recognized from before reading this fanfiction do not belong to me; they are the property of C.S. Lewis/Walden Media/20****th**** Century Fox/Disney.**

Caspian knocked firmly on Sir Malenam's door. He heard the patter of small footsteps before a young boy's voice asked, "Who is it?"

"Caspian. May I come in?" he asked.

The door opened and an awed Pietro looked up at Caspian. "King Caspian, what are you doing here?" Pietro wondered, awe filling his eyes.

"I…was actually hoping that I might see your sister, Lady Shira. Is she in?" Caspian inquired.

"No, she's gone right now, but you can wait till she gets back," suggested Pietro.

"I think I will," Caspian decided, walking into the room. "Do you happen to know where she went?"  
"Talking with her friend, I think," Pietro explained.

"Ah, Lady Callina. Do they speak often?" Caspian inquired.

"Almost every day. Callina wants to know about _everything_ that happens between—oh, I'm not supposed say that," Pietro said.

Caspian was almost sure of what Shira and Callina discussed. "Does Shira speak of me often?" he asked.

"Not to me. Sometimes I hear her and Anne talking and they say your name, but Shira always gets so sad when people talk about you," Pietro clarified, quickly adding, "_Please_ don't tell her anything I said!"

Caspian smiled at the child. "Don't worry, I will not say a word."

"Can you tell me a story now?" Pietro inquired eagerly. It was obvious that he had been longing to ask Caspian that question since he entered the room.

The young king smiled down at Pietro. "Of course. When I was young, my nurse would often sing to me—sad songs of the Narnia that had been lost for many years," he began. "For a while, I thought that they were only pretty lullabies, but one night, when I was a bit older—close to your age, in fact—she sang to me about the Talking Beasts of Narnia. I asked how they could talk and she told me the story of how Aslan created Narnia and gave some of the animals the gift of speech. Do you know the tale?"

"Mmmhmm," Pietro hummed. "Shira says that's the first story she ever told me."

Caspian felt his heart jump at the mention of Shira's name, but continued, "That is when I began to take an interest in the true history of Narnia. I would not stop asking my nurse to tell me the stories of the Old Narnia—it was the only way to get me to listen to her at times. When my uncle dismissed her, I cried almost incessantly, hoping that Miraz would bring her back…but he never did. Instead, I got a tutor—Doctor Cornelius, who taught me more of Narnia than the stories—he taught me the true history of this land. If it were not for him…I do not know if I would be who I am."

Pietro's eyes were wide with awe. "Did he help you escape?" he asked.

"Yes, he did. My uncle wanted to be king so badly that he would do…horrible things to get what he wanted. That is why the Doctor took me away," Caspian added.

"Wow!" Pietro exclaimed. "Can you tell me more? Tell me about when you learned how to fight with a sword!"

Caspian laughed, pleasantly amused by how enthralled Pietro was by his stories. "We should sit down. I have many things to say about my education with the sword."

* * *

"Shira Aria, what on _earth_ are you doing?" Callina confronted he friend with no ado.

"What do you mean?" Shira inquired, not knowing whether her friend was serious or not.

"I mean _why_ are you being so unresponsive to King Caspian?" Callina wondered. "He is being criticized by half of the court because of the passion with which he is pursuing you. They think that he is wasting his energy on a woman who will never love him. I am not asking you to love him, Shira, but he does deserve something other than the ambiguity that you are giving to him in abundance."

Shira did not know how to respond. Callina was usually so lighthearted—it was rare to hear her speak so seriously. "And why does this bother you so much?" she asked neutrally.

"You are being given a chance at what nearly every young woman in this kingdom has dreamt of. The king is enamored with you and you are doing _nothing_. Life for him is not easy, Shira—you do not need me to tell you this, but King Caspian is busy with the treaty. The fact that he takes time to see you is an _honor_, Shira," Callina explained.

Shira's eyes were wide with shock. She had never heard her friend speak so passionately about anything. "Do you love him?" she wondered, her voice barely above a whisper.

Callina laughed bitterly. "No, Shira, I am long past those days. _You_ are the one who holds the king's heart in the palm of her hand. I am only hoping that you will treat it kindly," she clarified.

There was nothing that Shira could say to explain the situation—other than explaining what had happened with Miraz. "Callina," she began, "I have a legitimate reason for all of this."

Shira told Callina the story of what had happened with Miraz, breathing deeply all the while in order to keep her emotions under control.

"This explains so much," Callina murmured once Shira was done. "I am sorry for all those times I spoke of him. It must be hard—hearing his name after that."

Shira murmured her agreement. "I will never be able to forget it, Callina," she confessed.

"I am sure Annelise has told you this countless times, but you _must_ let go of it. You need to accept forgiveness and live your life," Callina said.

"Not you too," Shira groaned. "Do you understand what I've done? I could have _killed_ him."

"But you _didn't!_" Callina remarked hotly. "Honestly! If there was anything else I could do, I would do it, but I see that you will not listen to me."

"At least you know that much," Shira stated.

Callina quickly embraced her friend. "I am not mad at you," she revealed. "Tis—" she cut herself off with a noise of frustration.

Sighing, Shira squeezed Callina tightly for a moment before letting go. "Thank you for listening," she whispered.

"That is why friends exist, is it not?

* * *

The sitting room was brighter than Shira expected as she slipped in through a side door. She heard muffled voices coming from one end of the room and knew immediately that one of them belonged to Pietro. The deeper one sounded rather like…

"Shira, Caspian just told me a story about when _he_ was a boy like me!"

Pietro's exclamation gave Shira the answer that she dreaded. She turned to leave the room, but not before King Caspian stood up from behind the sofa, looking moderately undignified. Shira felt her heartbeat stutter and inhaled deeply, trying her best to relax. "Good afternoon, Your Majesty," she said, curtsying as calmly as she could manage.

"And to you, Lady Shira," Caspian replied. "After informing me that you were absent, Pietro offered to help the time pass more quickly."

It took all of her strength for Shira not to look at Pietro cruelly. "And what do you wish with me, my king?" she wondered meekly.

"I was wondering if you would care to accompany me for a stroll this evening," he asked. Perhaps it was the lighting, but Shira thought she saw Caspian blush slightly.

"My most sincere apologies, my king, but I am…otherwise occupied tonight," she lied easily.

Caspian turned away from her momentarily, clearing his throat in an attempt to break the tension in the room. "I see. Then…I will speak with you some other time. Good evening, Lady Shira," he murmured, inclining his head towards her before leaving.

"What are you doing?" Pietro asked her, his voice full of suspicion.

"Um…I have something that I desperately need to write down," she fibbed.

Pietro gave her an accusatory look. "Lying is wrong, Shira," he said seriously. "And you _definitely_ shouldn't lie to King Caspian."

Shira groaned. "Pietro…there are certain times when you…need to be slightly less than truthful with people," she explained.

"But if you didn't want to go with him, why didn't you just _tell_ him?" Pietro inquired.

"I never said that I didn't want to go—or that I did. You're too young to understand it, Pi, but things between boys and girls get all funny once you get to my age," she informed him.

"What's so funny about it? He likes you and you like him," stated Pietro.

"I…we…he…it is not the right time for us, Pietro. His Majesty has many things on his mind as of now," Shira explained.

Pietro grinned mischievously as he inquired, "What is on his mind other than you?"

Shira turned several shades of red before responding, "His negotiations with Archenland. Peace between our nations is very important—more so than anything right now. If he does not give this treaty all of his energy…there is no knowing what might happen."

"Fine," Pietro sighed. "But will you _maybe_ talk to Caspian just a little after Declan goes? Because I think he _likes_ you."

Shira bit back several sharp remarks and said instead, "I don't know, Pietro. People can change very quickly. Perhaps His Majesty will…um, have other people on his mind."

* * *

Declan had seen battles, both of mind and strength. He had helped his father keep Archenland free of evil for several years. He had spoken with the man who would grow to be one of the greatest Narnian rulers of all time—Caspian X.

Yet he was still nervous about dining with Annelise's family.

He had spent a large portion of his free time becoming better acquainted with Annelise since his arrival in Narnia and had begun to care for her deeply. She knew that he was truly a prince, not a messenger, which had not changed her attitude towards him—a pleasant surprise. He had met the rest of her family separately, but dining with them was different. His father had always taught him that people only dine together if one group wishes to closely assess the other. Annelise's family had never been unkind to Declan, but he knew that everyone—especially Sir Malenam—would be watching him very closely tonight.

For once, Declan was rather reluctant to end his negotiations with the king—and apparently, his unwillingness to leave the meeting hall was visible.

"If you wish, we could actually begin _writing_ this," Caspian suggested, half joking.

"You know, part of me would not mind that right now," Declan replied. "I'm supposed to dine with Annelise and her family tonight and…quite honestly, I do not know what will happen to us after this if her family is displeased."

Caspian bit his lip, forcing away a smile. "Declan, you need not worry. Sir Malenam is not overly judgmental with his daughters' potential suitors. If truth be told…I have asked to see Shira many times and he has never shown me anything less than kindness," he explained.

Declan's eyebrows arched. "And how has that gone?" he inquired.

"It hasn't," Caspian confessed rather bitterly. "She…has been hurt by something, I think—something that makes her avoid me as often as she can."

"I'm sorry," Declan murmured. "It must be difficult, pursuing her so passionately and still not knowing how she feels."

"What makes it worse is that…the kingdom is beginning to talk," Caspian confessed. "I know that it is only a part of being king, but—I cannot say that I enjoy it."

Declan did not need to ask what was being said—he had heard snatches of it. Many people were saying that the king was making a fool of himself by pursuing a young woman who showed no interest in him. Others scorned him because they felt that he was neglecting his duties to the country by pursuing Shira. _They have no empathy_, Declan thought. _If they saw how much he cared about her, perhaps they would understand it a bit better_. "None of them are running a country, as far as I know, so they are in no position to critique you," Declan told Caspian.

"I appreciate it, Declan," Caspian replied. "And I wish you all the best tonight with Annelise. I am sure that her family will enjoy your company."

"Thank you. And…if you were having doubts about Shira, do not give up on her so quickly. Your pursuit of her is between the two of you, not the entire kingdom, no matter how much they would love to be involved," Declan said.

"Thank you, Declan. It is refreshing to be able to speak freely with someone," Caspian replied, inclining his head slightly towards the prince of Archenland and leaving the meeting room.

Declan felt better than he had before as he went to Sir Malenam's family's quarters to dine with them.

* * *

After only about a week, Declan and Caspian had agreed on their terms and were beginning to write the treaty. As far as all of Narnia knew, there had been no problems whatsoever with the negotiations, which was an excellent sign. King Caspian was doing an excellent job of restoring the peace in Narnia and everyone was noticing—even Shira. The king was still not her favorite topic of conversation, but she could not help but admire how well he was running the country—especially for one so young.

At times, she caught herself thinking about him—twas never anything romantic, but her more philosophical streams of thought would sometimes lead her to him. If he was already making such an effort to create peace in Narnia, his reign would be the greatest that Narnia had ever seen since the Golden Age.

Although Shira was willing to admit this to herself, she did not want to spend too much time thinking about Caspian's better aspects. Thinking of him still brought back the horrid memories of what had happened with Miraz, although Caspian had proven himself to be very different from his predecessors. Shira was still adjusting to seeing Talking Beasts, dwarves, naiads, dryads, and other creatures of Old Narnia walk openly in the kingdom. At times, it almost felt as if she was inhabiting one of the stories that she had told for so long.

Perhaps that was part of how her feelings for the prince started to change.

Not long after she started admiring the skill with which he was ruling, Shira began to notice a few other things about her king—things that made her feel silly and rather superficial, such as the muscles of his arms or the way the shadow of his beard gradually darkened, making him look older and more kingly. Had she been thinking these things of anyone else, Shira would have admitted to being smitten with him.

However, this was Caspian—a man whom she had almost betrayed for the betterment of her family. Shira was _sure_ that this was nothing more than a very shallow and temporary infatuation.

* * *

_"Shira!"_

_ Prince Caspian was so pleased to see her, as he always was. _I miss the days when I could look at him and not associate him with Miraz_, Shira thought sorrowfully._

_ "Good evening, Caspian," she replied with an almost imperceptible hint of seductiveness hidden in her tone._

_ She took a few slow steps closer to him, making sure that her body was subtly accentuated by her movements. His eyes lit up with joy as she gently caressed his face. "Tis lovely to be alone with you," she murmured, wrapping her arms around him._

_ "It seems as if we are _never_ alone," Caspian remarked._

_ Shira cautiously moved her face closer to his. Miraz had promised to make her job a bit easier by slipping something into Caspian's wine at dinner. "Once you kiss him, his emotions will swell. The rest will come quickly. _Do not_ act afraid, or it will not work," Miraz had told her several times._

_ Her lips met his. The kiss was light to begin with, but Shira could feel it deepening rapidly. _Breathe. Relax. Do not appear nervous_, she reminded herself._

_ She repeated the words like a chant, focusing only on them as Caspian wrapped his arms around her waist. As hard as she tried to feel nothing, a hint of shame sent Shira's mind spinning._

Slowly, Shira pulled herself out of the atrocious nightmare. "I have never done _any_ of that!" she whispered to no one before her voice broke.

_**It does not seem to make a difference in your mind, dearest**_.

"To think of doing something so wrong is no better than doing it. All sins are equal," Shira retorted.

_**Yes, but the consequences of some are more severe.**_

"If what happened with Miraz is worth anything, then it doesn't seem as if I am being punished any less for doing what You apparently wanted so badly," she snapped at the gentle voice.

She could feel His voice gently pressing at the barriers of her mind. _Not tonight_, she thought, pulling the bedclothes up to her nose.

Tears fell silently from her eyes as she fell asleep.

_ Caspian's chambers were cold and dark when Shira finally left. Hours after the prince's breathing had grown deep and even, Shira had knelt on the floor, head to her knees, hands folded. _Aslan forgive me. Forget what I've done. Let Caspian live. Do not let him suffer because of my mistakes,_ she prayed repeatedly._

_ Shame had sickened her, making it impossible for Shira to return home. She couldn't bring the weight she carried._

I must. As soon as I do this, my promise to Miraz will be fulfilled and we will be safe_, she reminded herself, shifting into a sitting position. _There is no choice.

_**There has always been a choice, my dear.**_

_ Shira brushed the voice away unhappily. She _knew_ about the other path she could have taken. _I could not risk my family's safety_, she thought._

_**If you had trusted in Me, you would not have to worry. I will always care for you.**_

I could never risk that,_ Shira realized, pulling herself up off of the floor. It was time to leave._

_ She took a last glance at Caspian, who was sleeping peacefully, with no fear for his life, no shame. "Goodbye, Caspian," she whispered. "I know you will never believe me, but…I _do_ love you. And…I pray that you will live in peace and happiness in Aslan's Country."_

_ Shira turned and tiptoed out of Caspian's chambers. As she did, she felt the finality of her actions._

_ It was written in stone. She was about to condemn Prince Caspian._

Shira's stomach jerked uncomfortably when she awoke. "What?" she whispered brokenly. Why was she having these nightmares of things that had never happened.

_**Perhaps if you would listen, you would understand.**_

As usual, Shira shut out the voice and curled into a fetal position before attempting to sleep again.

_Beheading._

_ That was how Prince Caspian would die. He would be forced to his knees in front of all of Narnia—rightfully his kingdom. _Stop now_, Shira ordered herself, not allowing her imagination to travel to the gruesome nature of the prince's death._

_ She had asked her father if she could stay home, but he had insisted that she attend. He believed that seeing Caspian's death would help her to put what had happened between them in the past._

_ Shira, knowing the story in full knew that the opposite would happen. If Caspian looked down into the crowd and into her eyes, she would not be able to maintain the façade. He had done _nothing _wrong and he was being put to death for it._

_ She, however, had done everything wrong._

The nightmares were becoming unbearable. Two last night, and another that she had just awoken from. The sun shone coldly through Shira's windows, as if it were mocking her sorrow, telling her that she could not hide from the horrendous dreams in daylight. Shira wanted to know how such events had entered her mind. She had always had small suspicions about what Miraz would have asked her to do, but she had never actually spent any time _thinking_ about them. Was that not what a dream was—an actual _thought_ gone rampant?

_**If you would only listen, my child…!**_

_If this is how you are trying to tell me something, I refuse to hear more._

* * *

It was Declan's last day in Narnia. He had lingered for a while after completing the treaty in order to become better acquainted with Narnia and Annelise. He was going to miss her when he returned to Archenland and he intended on making their last few hours together meaningful.

He had awoken before the sun so that he could have a bit of uninterrupted time with Annelise. As soon as people began to awaken, he would depart for Archenland.

Declan proceeded to a bench in the gardens—their designated meeting place. His heart was full of emotions and he wanted to express some of them to Annelise.

He could barely make out her form sitting primly on the bench, as if she belonged there and would continue to sit in the same manner for an indefinite amount of time. "Good morning," he said to her, taking her hands and pulling her up beside him.

"This barely qualifies," she remarked, smiling.

"Still," he added, pulling her closer, "better than not seeing me at all today."

"_That_ I will agree with," Annelise murmured.

They stood in an embrace for a moment before Declan asked her, "And how has your morning been thus far?"

"Better than Shira's, I believe. I heard her muttering in her sleep again, which probably means that she is having nightmares again," Annelise confessed.

Declan nodded in sympathy. Annelise had mentioned Shira's nightmares before and had vaguely hinted that they were somehow connected with Caspian, but he did not know the full story—and he knew that it was not his place to hunt for information. "Does it happen often?" he inquired.

"It…comes and goes. Lately, she's been bothered by them more than ever. Honestly…I think it's because Shira has unrealistic expectations for herself. She is having a difficult time letting go of what happened—it was not pleasant, but that does not give her an excuse to live miserably!" Annelise exclaimed rather hotly.

Declan kissed the top of her head. "Shira's lucky to have you—you love her so much, but you still manage to be honest with her," he murmured to Annelise.

"Thank you," she replied, lightly kissing his cheek. "I haven't the slightest idea what I am going to do without you here."

"Write to me. It can never replace being together in actuality, but tis all that we have. Anne, I do not want our relationship to fade now that I am returning to Archenland. I care deeply for you and…hope that you are willing to keep what we have," Declan said in a rush of emotion.

Annelise gasped quickly, pleasantly surprised by the intensity of Declan's desire to continue their relationship. "Of course," she replied rather breathlessly. "But I believe that I'll have to do more than write. Eventually, if it works out, I hope to visit you and your family in Archenland."

"Try not to make me wait for too long," he whispered, slowly moving his face towards hers.

Annelise's heart rate doubled as she and Declan kissed in the semidarkness that came before dawn.

* * *

_The courtyards were overflowing with people who were eager to see Prince Caspian die. After hearing the stories of several young woman who had been victims to the prince's uncontrollable lust, Miraz's subjects had unanimously decided that Caspian should die. _

_ "Today, we are gathered to see the beheading of Caspian X, Prince of Narnia. He has been charged with unconsensual fornication."_

_ A Telmarine guard pushed Caspian up onto the platform to the booing of the crowd. The prince was disheveled from the days he had spent in prison. His eyes were wide, but he did not hang his head._

He would have made an excellent king_, Shira thought as she unwillingly watched, tears pouring from her eyes._

_ She could not look away from him. He carried himself so nobly, as if he deserved to die. "You don't," Shira whispered._

_ The executioner roughly placed a hand on Caspian's back and shoved him to the ground. The crowd emitted a cheer. Shira gasped._

_ As dramatically as was possible, the executioner took up his ax, raising it far above his head. A guard came and forced the prince's head onto the block._

_ For a moment, Caspian looked directly at Shira. His eyes bore no hatred, only a question._

I'm sorry_, she mouthed, quickly turning away._

_ The executioner forced his blade a bit higher, then—_

"STOP!" shouted Shira.

The nightmares had stopped for a few nights, lulling her into a false sense of security. Apparently there was no way of stopping these atrocities, nor was there a way of knowing when they would plague her next. _I do not want to sleep if this is what I must see every time I try to close my eyes and step away from this. Sleep was my refuge for several months—now, I have nowhere left. I cannot escape this! _she lamented. If only she was allowed some peace, a bit of time when Caspian was _not_ on her mind…!

So Shira stopped sleeping.


	6. Slits

**A/N: I feel like I haven't updated this in ages, but it's only been a couple weeks, I guess. Only one more chapter after this one, I believe, which is not fully written because it's supposed to hold a lot of meaning and I want to get it exactly right. As usual, I don't own Narnia; it's the property of C.S. Lewis/Walden Media/Disney/20****th**** Century Fox. Revel in the hardcore angst of this chapter!**

Narnian winters were bitter. They made Caspian remember the tales his nurse had told him of the White Witch, who had made it always winter during her reign. He couldn't imagine how atrocious it would be to live in a time of suspense and death for all of his life, not knowing what grass looked like or how flowers smelled.

This winter was beginning to feel endless for him. There was little for him to do, so Caspian often spent hours poring over the kingdom's records, seeing if there was anything else that he could make right. It was tedious work, but at least time passed while he was doing it—unlike now. Caspian sat alone in his chambers, feeling the winter seep through every inch of his skin. _Perhaps it would not be so piercing if Shira loved…_he pondered. _But she continually refuses any speck of kindness that I offer her._

He hadn't expected the cold to intensify these feelings—in fact, Caspian had hoped that the cold outside would somehow make his heart cold towards Shira—a foolish hope, but it had danced quietly in the back of his mind for several weeks until now, when it was being dashed to pieces. She still drew away when he was in the same room as her, but she would eagerly converse with anyone else.

Caspian arose from his desk and began to pace. Perhaps moving his feet would stir some new ideas in his mind. He circled the room thrice, his thoughts following the pattern of his feet. _Shira. Shira. Shira._

The king pitted his teeth and drew his hands through his hair in frustration. Curse this unrequited affection he harbored for Shira! If only she would tell him explicitly how she felt. Yet in a strange way, Caspian was somewhat relieved that he did not know if Shira loved him or not—now, he was free to make excuses to see her. If she did not love him, that liberty would no longer be his. He would have to go on, ruling the country, pretending that he did not care for her. Perhaps it was better like this.

But if, by some strange twist of fate, she loved him…

That was too much for Caspian to imagine. He did not want to raise his hopes without reason. If she loved him, it would be…indescribable. He would not allow himself to think of that, though, no matter how much it warmed his heart in the chill of this Narnian winter.

* * *

Shira could feel the chill of the late winter air as she hurried towards her quarters. Darkness was beginning to blanket Narnia and she still did not feel entirely safe wandering the courtyards alone at night—danger was still a possibility.

"Lady Shira!"

Recognizing the voice, Shira began to walk faster. She did not want to have anything to do with King Caspian now. She heard the king running after her and knew that she could not avoid him. She stopped, standing near the wall as Caspian approached her. "I was wondering if you would care to dine with me tomorrow," he asked, rather breathless.

"My apologies, my liege, but my family has agreed to host…a friend of my father's at that time," Shira lied easily.

"Tis odd how many dinner guests your family has had of late," Caspian remarked.

Shira's eyes widened to twice their size. "My liege, I am still unable to dine with you," she replied, barely disguising the fear in her voice.

"By the Lion's Mane, Shira, I am your _king_!" Caspian nearly shouted.

"I am well aware of the fact, Your Majesty," whispered Shira, making no effort to hide her fright.

"You certainly have not been acting like it. Every time I approach you, you run," he snapped blackly.

_Dark eyes flashing with anger…the same harsh and demanding tone…_

For the first time, Shira saw a direct resemblance between Caspian and Miraz. The courtyard tilted at a strange angle.

_ No!_

Somehow, she managed to steady herself. "I apologize, my king. You are my ruler and I should not contest your will," she croaked, seeing Miraz in Caspian's place.

"Good," he stated coolly, walking away.

Once Caspian had disappeared, Shira ran to her chambers, nearly tripping half the way. Only one thing consumed her mind: King Caspian.

Or perhaps it was Miraz.

* * *

Caspian's blood seared through his veins. She had lied to his face. As a man, it hurt him—as a king, it angered him. He had authority over these people; they should respect it.

_**Respect and submission are not always the same, my son.**_

Caspian recognized the voice immediately. _Aslan?_ he wondered, shame for his actions beginning to wash away the anger.

_**Yes.**_

_Forgive me, Aslan. My behavior towards Shira was…very unkingly. No, worse than that. I acted like…_

_**Your uncle.**_

Realization of what he had done crashed over the young king. _Aslan, I—cheese_

_**Do not apologize to Me, my son. I was not the direct victim of your behavior.**_

_Why does she fear me, Aslan? Why _did_ she before today, I mean,_ he wondered.

_**You may come to know in time, but only if she chooses to tell you.**_

_What happened to her?_

He could hear Aslan's laughter. _**Changing your words will not make any difference now, Caspian.**_

The king bowed his head. _Thank you, Aslan._

_**You do not need to thank Me, my son. I am always here.**_

* * *

Shira was curled in her chair, reading an ancient book of Narnian history, when someone knocked. "Yes?" she called, sliding out of the chair and setting the book down on it.

"Caspian, my lady," the king's voice called softly.

"Um…one moment!" Shira cried, flustered.

Without realizing what she was doing, she went to her mirror and began fiddling with her hair and gown. _Stop it! You do not need to impress him!_ she reminded herself as soon as her actions sunk in. Reluctantly, she walked to the door and opened it.

"How I behaved, Shira…was…indescribably atrocious. No one deserves to be treated in such a manner, especially by their king, and I would like to apologize…and say that I will not force you to dine with me," he explained.

"I understand, my lord. You are under much pressure for one so young, and…many things are on your mind. I forgive you. And…thank you," Shira murmured, forcing herself to look at Caspian's forehead and not his eyes.

Caspian shook his head. "I do not believe that you…fully understand how dreadful I feel. You are the last person who should have heard me speak so harshly because of your…disposition towards me prior to that incident," he replied.

Shira tried to cover up her gasp and failed dismally to do so. "I mean no offense, my king. I do not lack respect for you, but…tis…complex," she attempted to explain.

Slowly, Caspian reached up towards Shira's face. She jumped back against the wall, eyes wide and heart racing. Caspian quickly withdrew his hand before it met her skin. "Very well, Lady Shira," he muttered. "I would tell you 'I see,' but I could not tell such a falsehood."

Shira slowly relaxed as he turned and walked away, though something ate at her heart. She was beginning to feel rather guilty for everything that she was putting Caspian through. He was an honorable young man and a good king who only wanted her love.

Normally, she would have thought something about how Caspian would never win her heart, but she could not. The encounter had left Shira an emotional mess. A large part of her still cringed at the thought of being near Caspian, but there was another feeling for the young king that was growing deep inside her. It was why she had been afraid to look in his eyes—the emotion she knew she would have seen there would have intensified the minute part of her that did not fear him.

Her mind and heart were both slowly being torn into two—one part fearing every thought and feeling that the king brought…and the other part embracing them.

* * *

"You've been rather quiet for the past few days, Shira," Annelise remarked. Her younger sister's lack of vitality was beginning to worry her—it was very unlike her to be so quiet and withdrawn.

"Just…tired. Very much so," muttered Shira.

"Dreams?" Annelise wondered.

Shira nodded her head slowly in affirmation. "These are worse, though. I dream of…what would have happened had I agreed to Miraz's plan," she confessed.

"Shira, it is time that you put this behind you. There is a reason why you are so haunted by this—you are allowing yourself to be," Annelise ordered her sister.

Shira groaned. "Not you as well," she slurred. At Annelise's look of confusion, she continued, "Every time I wake up from one of those dreams, I hear _His_ voice. I don't know how I know it is Him, but…it could be no one else. He tells me to leave it behind me, but I cannot! How can I forget such a sin?"

Annelise rolled her eyes, exasperated with her sister. "Honestly, Shira, you are acting like a child! You have been offered forgiveness more times than I know of and you _still_ refuse it!" she exclaimed.

"How can I take something that I do not deserve?" Shira inquired.

Annelise groaned before explaining, "Aslan's forgiveness is a _gift_, Shira. You do not deserve it, nor do I, nor does anyone else. We have all done bad things, but as long as we are truly sorry for them, _we are forgiven_."

"This is larger than anything, Anne. I could have been involved in _conspiracy!_" Shira lamented.

"Do you know what the most incredibly _ridiculous_ part of this is?" Annelise asked her sister rhetorically, laughing bitterly. "You did not agree to Miraz's plan. You did the _right_ thing, even though you considered the wrong one."

"I wouldn't expect _you_ to understand! _No one_ left in Narnia will understand—everyone here is righteous and deserving of the freedom that the king has given us!" shouted Shira.

Annelise shook her head, not knowing what else she could say to her sister. "There is nothing more that I can tell you, Shira," she murmured. "No matter what I say, I cannot change your opinion on this."

"Anne, it's even _more_ complicated now. You have no perception of what is going on in my mind. I think that…things are different now. There are other factors that have changed the situation, so…it is not only the fear," Shira tried to explain.

Her sister was being rather frustrating, but Annelise did not want to abandon Shira if she needed to talk about something. "Caspian?" Annelise wondered.

"Yes," Shira revealed. "I…am almost positive that I have feelings for him, but nothing can ever happen between us. Were he anyone other than my king, I would accept his affections, but because of Miraz…I am unable to look him in the eye. Everything about him is slowly enthralling me—how devotedly he rules the kingdom, the patience with which he pursues me, the softness of his voice, his kindness, his face…"

Annelise smiled sadly at Shira. "I believe you are falling in love with our king," she whispered.

"But I cannot!" Shira exclaimed, beginning to cry. "I thought about betraying him, Anne—to his death. How could a man love a woman who could have been a threat to his very life?"

"Shh," Annelise whispered, embracing her sister. She was not about to chide Shira again when she was so emotionally broken over Caspian. "True love can see past all things, Shira. Try not to worry about it too much; just let things run their course," she said comfortingly. "Love is never as simple as one expects it to be."

"But I never asked for anything this complicated," Shira groaned, leaning on Annelise's shoulder.

"I know, Shira," Annelise replied, stroking Shira's head. A part of her wanted to explain that everything would be all right if Shira would only stop being so incredibly _stubborn_, but she knew that doing anything but comforting her sister would be horribly insincere at the moment.

* * *

Shira was exhausted. For two nights, she had barely slept, fearing what nightmares her mind would conjure if she allowed herself sufficient rest. Her energy was swiftly dwindling. _Perhaps a bit of reading will help me relax. And if I _do _sleep…it will most likely be deep enough to avoid dreams_, she reasoned, opening her book. _Besides, I am in the castle library. Perhaps all I need is a change of scenery._

She fell asleep quickly, before finishing the shortest tale.

* * *

_She visited his grave often. It was nowhere near as grand as it should have been, but then again, many things in his life had gone wrong._

_For hours, Shira sat beside Caspian's grave, hoping that he could somehow hear her. She had hoped that she might bear his child, a small remembrance of the prince, but there was none. _Tis probably for the best,_ she told herself. _The might have chosen to kill the child as well…because of what Caspian supposedly did.

_Most of her time at the grave was spent apologizing, though she knew that it was far too late for her to change anything. "I am sorry, Caspian," she murmured. "You will never believe it, but…I cared for you."_

_A glance at the sky told Shira that she ought to return to the castle. As she turned her back on Prince Caspian's grave, she whispered what she had always been afraid to say._

"_I love you."_

* * *

Sleep eluded Caspian. By now, it was typical of him to ponder Shira and her strange behavior towards him before falling asleep, but it had never caused such insomnia. He knew that there was no hope of getting any rest while she was so heavily on his mind. He wandered the corridors aimlessly for a while before realizing that he needed to occupy his mind, not his body.

Caspian entered the castle library and began scouring the shelves for something that would consume his mind and possibly lull him to sleep. As he walked through the rows of books, scanning the titles, he saw something that he had not been expecting—Shira, sleeping peacefully in a chair.

He approached her cautiously so as not to wake her. To Caspian, she had never seemed more real than at this moment—her hair falling naturally around her face, while she was in a state of blissful relaxation. It made him recall the glimpses he had caught of Shira when they were both younger. Twas shocking how much had changed since then. "Shira," he whispered to himself, tracing the curve of her face with his thumb.

She moved, mumbling something unintelligible. Caspian stepped away quickly, afraid that his presence would startle her. "What?" she asked, her voice barely more than a whisper.

"My most sincere apologies—I did not mean to wake you, milady," he said quickly.

At the sound of his voice, Shira's body grew rigid and her eyes opened fully. "No," she murmured.

"I meant no harm, Lady Shira," confessed Caspian. "Rest is eluding me, so I decided to come here. I saw you and…you are so beautiful."

Shira's eyes widened in shock at the king's honesty. He had never spoken so openly of an attraction to her. Her heart momentarily softened at his words before she remembered what she'd been dreaming about before Caspian's touch had awoken her. "_What?_" she wondered, horror dripping from her tone.

"Did I actually say that?" Caspian muttered, trying to sort out his thoughts from his words.

"You did," she informed him, her voice emotionless.

"Well, I suppose I had to tell you at some point," he remarked. "It's very true," he added, attempting to make eye contact with her.

Shira began to shake. Now that she was fully awake, all of the nightmares were replaying themselves through her mind. "Shira, are you all right?" Caspian asked, concerned.

She simply cowered in the chair, shaking. "Did I wake you from a nightmare?" he inquired, crouching down beside her—though not too close.

She murmured a positive response, pulling herself further away from him, as if physical distance between them would force all thoughts of him away as well.

Caspian longed to wrap her in his arms and comfort her, but he suspected that doing so would only worsen matters. Cautiously, he placed his hand on Shira's and was shocked when she did not pull away. "Tis over now, no matter how bad it was," he said soothingly.

_It will never be over_, Shira thought.

She stood up, stepping further away from Caspian. "I must go," she told him before hurrying away from him.

Caspian sank to his knees beside the chair Shira had been sitting in. He had felt the beginnings of a connection between them for a moment, but it had faded almost as quickly as it had come. He held on to the microscopic glimmer of hope that she had given him when he had touched her hand. It was hardly what he was hoping for, but for the time being, it was enough.

* * *

Shira fell into her bed, too exhausted to shed a tear over her encounter with Caspian. A tempest of emotions swirled within her. She loved Caspian—by now, it was useless to even attempt denying it to herself. Yet the shadow of the past clung tightly to her soul, stealing its light. If she continued to feel this way for the king, she could never find peace.

There was nothing that Shira wanted more at that moment than to go back to the cottage that her family had been sent to after being thrown out of court by Miraz. At first, she had hated the work that came with a life without servants, but she'd eventually learned to love the relatively simple life she had lead with her family, even when Narnia was at war. She'd easily forgotten all the problems that came with castle life. However, she knew that no matter what she did, she could not stop thinking of Caspian.

Her head lolled onto the pillows and Shira fell into a heavy sleep.


	7. Fall into Your Sunlight

**A/N: Wow, this has been quite a journey. This is officially the most popular story I've ever written—thank you so much for being a part of it success! I'm just glad that I managed to pull off a Narnia fic that's enjoyable and that stays true to Lewis's morals (I hope so; that's what I was trying for, at least). This is my last chapter, but I have another Narnia idea—whether or not it gets published is another story altogether. Again, thank you so much for reading this. I hope the last chapter doesn't disappoint! **

**As you probably know, Narnia doesn't belong to me; it's the property of C.S. Lewis/Walden Media/Disney/20****th**** Century Fox.**

* * *

_The sun shot its rays through a garden that was overgrown with grass and vines. A stone wall was visible beneath an unruly tangle of ivy. Shira could see tiny patches of white stone through the grass that covered the steps that she was about to ascend._

_ She looked up and saw a huge golden lion sitting in the shade of the trees. "Aslan," she whispered._

_ "Come to Me, my child," he said, looking directly at her._

_ Casting her eyes downwards, Shira tiptoed up the steps and stood on the edge of them, several feet away from Aslan._

_ "Closer, Shira. Come and sit by Me," he urged her, beckoning her with his paw._

_ She took a few tentative steps in his direction, not daring to look into the eyes of the Great Lion. Mere inches away from him, she fell to her knees. "I am unworthy, Aslan," she muttered._

_ "Look at me, child, and tell me what you see," he commanded gently._

_ With great caution, Shira raised her eyes to look at him. His fur shone in the sunlight, but his deep brown eyes were filled with sorrow. "Sadness," she said._

_ "Yes, Shira, sadness. Why?"_

_ "Because of me." Shira choked out the words as if they hurt her throat. "Because of the thoughts that have passed through my mind."_

_ The emotion in Aslan's eyes grew denser. "No, my child. Your stubbornness is the cause of my sorrow."_

_ "What?" Shira inquired. "How have I—"_

_ He shook his head. "You see the world very clearly, Shira, which is a blessing. However, you are blind to your own sin."_

_ If she could have done so, Shira would have left then. "I know the wrong I have done, Aslan. Will you leave me in peace?" she cried, turning away once again._

_ "If you knew not what you have done but what you are _doing_, Shira, we would not be speaking in this manner."_

_ Shira stretched her legs out from beneath her, preparing to stand, but she found that she could not leave. "Aslan, Miraz asked me to seduce King—Prince—Caspian. I denied him, but for a moment, I considered doing as he asked to save my family. I have been reminded countless times about the wrongness of my thoughts. I wish that I could remove that day from my memory, but…" _

_ She did not finish, not knowing what else to say._

_ "Shira," Aslan said warmly, "come here."_

_ She dragged herself closer to him, so close that she could touch His side and feel it pulsating with life. "You had a moment of weakness that afternoon with Miraz, but you did not give into it. Instead, you trusted in Me to provide for you and your family. With your courage, you allowed Narnia to be freed—and saved the life of a young man who has proven himself worthy of kingship," he explained._

_ Slowly, it all began to make sense to Shira. "You…are really willing to forgive me?" she asked._

_ Aslan smiled sadly at her. "I always have been, my child. Your stubbornness has held you back for all these months," He explained._

_ Relief hit Shira sharply, cool and refreshing as an ocean wave after the long months she'd spent punishing herself. "I'm sorry, Aslan. For…not listening to all of the signs You sent me. I've pretended to stay faithful to You, but…all this time I've been lying to myself," she admitted._

_ "Do not let sorrow rule you any longer, dear one. You are free—no one can take that away from you."_

_ Shira felt the force of forgiveness hit her with ten times the strength of relief. Yes, she had experienced a moment of weakness, but she was forgiven. She was going to move past the pain and make a life filled with hope and light. Unable to restrain herself, Shira leapt to her feet and danced around in circles, looking up into the light of the sun. She was free!_

_ Aslan smiled, overjoyed to finally see that His daughter had accepted what had been hers all along. "Embrace it, my child," he murmured._

_ Eventually, Shira stopped dancing and sat beside Aslan once more. "Aslan…I have one question. It is about Caspian," she confessed._

_ "This is your story, Shira," he reminded her. "You may choose whom to share it with—if you choose to share it at all. He need not know if you do not think it necessary."_

_ "But…I want him to know. I want things to be different between us because he's been so honest with his feelings towards me, and…I've denied him knowledge," she explained. "It isn't only that, though. I…care for him deeply, Aslan, and if things between us are going to change, I will not keep this from him."_

_ "Truth must be at the foundation of all relationships, Shira."_

_ She smiled at His reassurance, knowing that with Aslan's strength, she would be able to tell Caspian what she needed to. "Aslan…I have one last question. About Caspian and I. Is there…any hope of a love between us?" she inquired._

_ "There is hope for anything that you dare to make possible," He told her._

_ Shira rolled her eyes playfully. "I should have guessed," she murmured. "You speak only in riddle."_

_ "Tis because if you are to know the future in the present, the future will be nothing more than a fanciful thought," He explained._

_ "Aslan…thank You. For everything You've ever done for me, even when I didn't listen to You," she murmured._

_ "I only do what I must, dear one."_

* * *

This had been more than a dream—anything less than reality would not have left Shira feeling as free as she did upon awaking. It was barely light outside, but she'd slept since early last evening. The hours of sleep combined with the lightness of forgiveness and made Shira feel more alive than she had in years. She'd been liberated and wanted to spread her newfound exhilaration around the castle—beginning with Caspian. It was her duty to apologize to him for all of the times she'd avoided his presence, especially after he'd been so sweet to her. Besides, she still held to the possibility of love between them—a love untainted by the past.

She dressed quickly and ran down to the sitting room in a rather unladylike fashion, nearly knocking her sister over in the process. "You've been gone for a while," Annelise remarked nonchalantly.

"Well, I needed to catch up on sleep—at least, that's the original reason. There's something else—something _incredible_!" Shira exclaimed.

Annelise was shocked to see her sister so vibrant. Shira had not looked so happy or well-rested since they'd lived in the cottage. "Please tell me," Annelise urged her sister.

"I've accepted forgiveness."

That was all that Shira needed to say for Annelise to emit a squeal of glee and embrace her with the grip of a boa constrictor. "Finally!" she cried, tears falling from her eyes. _Thank You, Aslan!_ "I want to hear about it!"

Shira explained the dream—or whatever it was; "dream" seemed like too mild of a word for something so life-changing—as briefly as she could. "And I'm on my way to talk to Caspian," she finished, grinning.

"Well then, I have no right to stop you. Go!" Annelise remarked, gently shoving Shira towards the door.

* * *

Shira had spent the better part of her day searching for King Caspian all over the castle. _When I do not want to see him, he is there every time I turn a corner. But now, when I need to speak with him, he is impossibly hard to find!_ Shira thought rather angrily.

With a frustrated groan, she ran her hands through her hair and turned around to see a figure striding hurriedly down the corridor.

King Caspian.

Gathering her skirts in her fists, Shira sprinted down the hallway towards the king. "King Caspian, please wait!" she called.

Caspian turned around and slowed his pace slightly, looking curiously at Lady Shira. He had been expecting anyone but her—she always managed to cleverly avoid speaking his name. "Do you have a moment?" she asked, her cheeks tinged red.

"Not exactly," he answered. "I am already a bit—ah, _very—_late."

"Oh," Shira said, her eyes losing some of their light.

"But I would enjoy speaking with you later, Lady Shira. Perhaps tonight in the gardens?" he suggested.

Her face immediately brightened. "Wonderful. And…my apologies for making you late…as well as for my behavior towards you for the past few months," Shira answered quietly.

Caspian stood where he was for a moment, looking at Shira. Apparently she had resolved her tumultuous past, but he did not think that it would bring any newfound hope to their relationship. His feelings for her had not subsided a bit in the past months; at this moment, they were flaring quite strongly. "You are forgiven, my lady. I look forward to this evening," he confessed, taking her hand and kissing it.

Shira flushed slightly but smiled at the king's tenderness. "King Caspian…" she said rather reluctantly, shifting her eyes down the hallway.

"Blast," he muttered. "Thank you, Lady Shira!" he called over his shoulder as he ran down the corridor.

With a grin on her face, Shira watched him. Just talking to the king had liberated her even further, making her want to dance. Or perhaps that was just her feelings for Caspian combined with her reaction to his touch. A kiss on the hand was not romantically binding, but the brush of Caspian's lips on her skin had made Shira's heart race unlike anything else. _How did I live so long without letting go? _ she asked herself.

_**The important thing is that you learned to forget.**_

Shira smiled at the warmth of the voice of the One who had healed her.

* * *

Ever since she'd confronted him in the hallway, Shira had been the sole inhabitant of Caspian's thoughts. He was worried about what would happen tonight—her attitude towards him had been so drastically different today that he could not believe that she would see anything in him. It was quite surreal to hear her speak with him so naturally, as if they had always conversed thus. There was no trace of the fear that Caspian had seen in her for so long.

The addition of confidence and honesty to Shira's other admirable qualities had transformed her from a beauty to an exquisite treasure. She seemed unreachable to Caspian, as if she was one of the figures from the stories she knew so well—too perfect to be real.

_Aslan, guide me_, Caspian prayed as he walked out into the courtyards of the castle. He hadn't been so worried about something since he'd fought Miraz. He sat on a bench in a rather secluded part of the royal gardens…and waited.

* * *

The sun was fervently spreading its rays across the sky in the last hours of full daylight. As she entered the courtyard, Shira wished that she could look directly at the beautiful blaze. The lightness she'd felt all day had subsided when she realized how difficult it would be to discuss this with Caspian. She took a few deep breaths and walked into the beautiful gardens.

It took her a bit of searching to find the king, but she came across him in an isolated corner of the gardens, sitting rather nonchalantly on a bench. "Your Majesty, I am here," she announced, curtsying.

Caspian looked up at Shira, a smile curving up half of his mouth. "I appreciate your respect, Lady Shira, but you may address me simply as Caspian now," he told her.

"If that is the case, then you may call me Shira," she replied.

"Very well, Shira. What do you wish to speak of?" he wondered.

She sank onto the bench beside him slowly, looking straight ahead. "First, I would like to apologize for my behavior towards you these past months. I know that you have been waiting to speak with me, but I…it was too difficult before now," she said, slowly turning to look him in the eyes. "Caspian, I have only told Annelise what I am about to tell you, and she had to drag it out of me," she added, willing herself to meet the king's gaze.

"If you do not wish to tell me now—"

"It concerns you. That is why I feel obliged to explain the situation. This—horror, for lack of a more appropriate term, began on a beautiful afternoon more than a year ago," Shira confessed.

She told Caspian the full story of what Miraz had asked of her and what had happened as a result of her disobedience—the banishment of her family, incessant nightmares, fear of Caspian, and—most importantly—how Aslan had absolved her of the weight she had borne since that fall afternoon. "And that is why I have acted so strangely towards you," Shira murmured. Her eyes had fallen away from Caspian's when she began to speak about Miraz's plans for them; she hadn't looked at him since.

Caspian felt his hatred for Miraz flare. His uncle had already tried to kill him multiple times, but this plot was more despicable than the rest. Miraz had tried to manipulate Shira by forcing her to choose between her family and what was right. _He threatened to do horrible things to her family, yet she saved _me_—a prince she did not even know_, Caspian realized, the magnitude of what this young woman had done for him and Narnia becoming obvious.

"I cannot imagine…what you went through, having to choose between your family and what was right," he said, gently placing his hand over hers.

"The moment between Miraz's request and my answer was the longest one I've ever been stuck in. My first thought was that I must stay loyal to my family—we were already in enough danger then. Then I remembered my mother telling Annelise and I to always do what we knew was right, even if it seemed as if we would be hurt from it," she replied, her head still turned away from Caspian.

"There is no shame in what you did, Shira," he reminded her, gently moving his hand to Shira's shoulder.

"I know, but it is hard to let go," she murmured, finally daring to meet Caspian's eyes.

He looked at her, awestruck by how clear the green of her eyes was—it was like looking at a reflection of the leaves above them. "Thank you, Shira. You sacrificed what you loved for me," he whispered.

"Beneath all the shame, I knew that Aslan would come. He knows when Narnia needs Him. And I trusted Him to keep my family safe once we were thrown out. It was not easy, Caspian, but…the Great Lion changes things. You would understand that better than anyone else, I am sure," she explained.

"Indeed He does," he replied.

They sat in silence for a moment, gazing towards the setting sun. "There is one more thing that I think we both need to understand," Shira remarked. "Our relationship."

"I believe that my feelings are clear enough," Caspian pointed out with a slight smile. "The whole kingdom has not stopped discussing them for three months."

"It must be difficult—to pursue someone who will not respond to you, especially with so many people watching," Shira pondered. "But I've decided, Caspian."

She gently placed her hands on his shoulders and allowed her lips to momentarily brush his forehead. "I care for you," she murmured. "How could I feel anything less for a man who has waited so faithfully for me?"

"I was prepared for anything but that," he muttered with a half-grin. "You seemed so…nonchalant earlier that I never expected…"

"That was because I finally felt free. If you would have gotten a glimpse of what was going on in my mind at the moment, I wouldn't have seemed so relaxed," she laughed.

"Were I able to glimpse into your mind so easily, I would have looked a bit deeper than that," he said rather seriously.

Shira sighed. "I can only imagine how confused you were," she pondered.

"I was thrown into ruling Narnia with next to no experience and never thought that anything would perplex me more. Now I am relatively certain that I have been baffled beyond belief," he confessed.

"Well, I hope things are a bit clearer to you now," Shira murmured.

"I think so," he murmured, slowly moving his face closer to hers.

Shira's heart raced, but she closed her eyes and turned her head, accepting Caspian's kiss. She'd imagined it, but, as is often the case with imagining things, the reality of it was much different. In this particular case, reality triumphed over imagination. Shira lost herself in the sweetness of the king's kiss, reveling in the moment that had toyed with her imagination since she was a girl.

Neither one of them said anything for a while after that—in that moment, there was too much raw emotion to be forced into the confines of words. Shira simply laid her head on Caspian's shoulder, appreciating this moment that they had been given.

"If I'd known what I'd been missing for all this time, I would have been a bit more eager to accept forgiveness," Shira confessed.

Caspian smiled and kissed the top of her head. "If this happened any other way, I do not think that it would mean so much," he pointed out.

"Mmmm, I think I'd have to agree with that," Shira murmured, placing her hand over Caspian's as she imagined the potential beauty of the future.

It was almost as great as that of her forgiveness.


End file.
